Are you married to an alcoholic? Is your husband/wife a
different person when they drink? Are you tired of the Dr. Jeckyl and
Mr. Hyde Behavior? Are you at your wits end, and just can’t take it
anymore? What can you do?
1. Stop trying to get your husband/wife to stop drinking.
No matter how much you nag and complain at them to stop drinking, it is
not going to do a bit of good. What will is taking care of you. I know,
it sounds backwards, but when you’re emotionally stressed out, it will
be more difficult to help your loved one. You have no verbal power over
the alcoholic. What you do have control over is your actions. What you
do and say to the alcoholic will have a direct affect on whether or not
they will continue drinking or not.
2. Detach with love.
Be loving and supportive of the person you married, not the alcoholic.
Don’t take any of the emotional garbage they dish out while drinking.
Have you noticed how when your spouse drinks they start to berate you
and want to start arguments? Don’t argue or fight back. Let them know
you will not argue with them while they are drinking, period.
Above all, never allow the alcoholic to trespass against your spirit
when they are playing one of their mind games. Walk away and close the
door behind you. Go visit a friend, take a walk around the block, or
put some ear plugs in your ears. Your mental health is what helps the
alcoholic the most. This is what detaching with love is all about.
Detaching yourself from the disease is what helps the alcoholic see that
he needs help.
3. Set boundaries
Did you know that the person who takes the verbal abuse of an alcoholic
is sometimes just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic?
This is why it is absolutely necessary, especially for spouses of
alcoholics, to set boundaries for themselves while the alcoholic is
drinking.
Don’t allow their roller coaster emotions to affect you. At least do not
let them see that they are affecting you. The alcoholic wants to get a
reaction out of you, don’t give them that satisfaction. When they are
drinking, treat them like a stranger. Remember, you love the person you
married, but you do not love the disease. Don’t be nice to the disease
but love the person. Do you understand?
4. Do not enable the alcoholic
Don’t help the alcoholic by enabling their addictive behavior. Don’t
help them to bed. Don’t let them drive while drinking. Do not let them
argue, fuss or fight with you while they are drinking. Do not talk to
them, leave the house or room and shut and lock the door behind you. Do
not buy them alcohol, even if they beg you to. Don’t let them drive!
Don’t treat them any differently because they have a drinking problem.
Don’t give them any special attention while they are drinking.
5. Be supportive when they are sober
When the alcoholic in your life is sober, give them extra special
attention. Tell them how much you love them, but not the disease. Talk
to them about your new boundaries when they are sober. Write them on the
refrigerator so they can’t say they forgot. Basically let them know all
the bad and awful things they do to you and the rest of the family
while they are drinking. They need to know.
6. Go to Alanon
This is very important when you are living with an alcoholic. This is
how you heal yourself from the abuses of the alcoholic. This is where
you will meet friends who are going through the same things as you. You
are not alone.
7. Pray everyday
Never relent in your silent appeals to God for your spouse’s sobriety. I
cannot say enough how important it is to keep a well balanced mind,
mentally, emotionally, and spiritually when living with an alcoholic.
They can literally tear you apart. I encourage you to seek God for your
comfort and encouragement during this difficult time in your life. God
answers our incessant appeals for healing. He feels our suffering and
pain. Please do not give up hope.
~~~
Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex, and intimacy between
couples. Her marriage books center on the biblical foundations that God
outlines for couples to follow for an exceptional marriage.
Angie writes numerous articles and e-books covering such issues as
adultery, addictions, temptation, and forgiveness in marriage. Check out
Angie’s website for additional information about her books and online
marriage ministry. http://www.heavenministries.com
