Love is Not Fear by Michelle Lawson

Recently I began watching the Jeremy Kyle talk show.  What I like about it is that the host candidly tells his guests what he feels about their immature, irresponsible, and stupid behavior. In other words, he is real with them.  He doesn't sugar coat how much damage to their children these guests  who are on the show to find out the paternity of have caused.  Or, in the case of yesterday's show, Jeremy Kyle showed clear disdain for this couple. They had lost custody of their children because of evidence of child abuse.

 What was most disturbing about this situation was the fact that the mother was totally delusion about the husband's obvious lack of respect for her and their children.  The husband, who was an admitted drug addict, had persuaded his wife to prostitute herself while she was pregnant with their youngest child.  And the sad thing about the whole scenario was that when asked why she continued to stay with her despicable husband, she replied, "I love him."

What touched me about this woman's response was that I know there are so many women in this world who believe they love a man who obviously does not love her.  Oh yeah, the man may say he loves her.  And from time to time, he may treat her nice, buy her something, take her out, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, etc.  But it's not love.  

1 John 4:16-18 talks about what love is...

 ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. 

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.  

¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: 

In this world we are like Jesus.  

¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 

The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:16-18 (NIV)

The Bible tells us that love is not fear.  In the case of this women on the Jeremy Kyle Show, it was obvious that this woman "loved" this man out of fear. How do  we know this?  Because his actions clearly showed that he did not love her.  And yet, despite these obvious signs of disrespect and  lack of love, she continued to "love" this man.  It was apparent that she feared the unkown of leaving him more than the fear of staying. But Love is not fear.

I believe people who have a misguided view about it believe that love is a feeling.  They believe they are in love because their hearts patter when they see that special person, or when they hear someone else's name.  But I have grown to realize that love is an action verb.  If you are in love with someone, your actions will show it.  You will do positive things for that person as a sign of your love.  You will want the best for that person because of the love you have for that person.  And that love in actions will be returned. A person that loves you will not ask you to prostitute yourself, or to do drugs, or to commit a crime, or force you to have sex against your will, or to hit you.  A person that does those things to you does not love you, no matter what he or she says.  A person that loves you will treat you with kindness, respect, and show care and consideration at all times. 

So what do you do if you realize that your relationship is not a loving one? How about if you are married to this person? Well, your course of action depends on what part you have played.   You have to evaluate the relationship and be honest with yourself. Perhaps you have been the one of the relationship who has been unloving.  If so, what do you need to do to actually love the other person?  Do it starting today! Or do you know deep in your heart that you will never love that person. Then what you need to do is find a way to leave this person.  If you have any compassion at all as a human being, why would you be so selfish to continue in a loveless relationship.  That is so unfair to the other person!

Anyone who is in a relationship because of fear, wake up today and realize this is not love.  I know this realization may be a very painful one, but isn't the state of your relationship hurting you anyway?  As David says in Psalm 27:1

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?

Never Look Back

How fast can you run when you are looking back over your shoulder - looking at where you came from rather than where you are going?  No matter how great an athlete you may be, we all run faster looking straight ahead at where we are going. 

The point is that it is much better to look ahead to our future rather than dwell in the past.  Just as Lot's wife learned when she and her family were getting away from Sodom before it was destroyed by God, you should never look back.  Although I doubt that any of us will turn into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife did, I know from experience that goals cannot be reached if the focus is on past failures, disappointments and mistakes.  We can never change our past, but we can change our future.  At the most we should take the life lessons that we have learned from our past to make a better future for our lives.

Do you feel like your past mistakes and shortcomings are holding you back from moving forward in your life?  If some, below are a few verses that may help you start moving forward without looking back:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

1 John 1:9

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:18-19 (ESV)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

New Life Today

So what can you today to have a new life? Remember that no matter what mistakes or troubles you have in your past, you can have a brighter future. Rather than looking back, take five minutes to visualize where you are heading in your future.  Once you have the picture in your mind, write down what it is going to take to accomplish your vision.  Will you need to go back to school?  Do you need help fighting an addiction?  Do you need to make amends with a family member?  Whatever it is that you need to do to accomplish your goals, don't get hung up by all the mistakes and missteps you have made in the past.  And as Philippians 4:13 proclaims, remember "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."