The Dark Space
So
I often wonder if I will ever behold this deep valley of
disappointment, despair and desperation through the rear view mirror of
LIFE… My humanity often screams, “Give up, you will not survive (let alone thrive) so why try?”
My
spiritual self is anemic because I have starved him due to the hustle
of “working for the LORD”, yet I know the feeble amount of time I’ve
invested in my relationship with Him and reading His Word.
I slip into traps I’d normally avoid and shun the people I truly adore. I inflict harm on innocent hearts because my pain won’t allow anyone but me to be cared for.
I try to pray because I hear it’s the right thing to do… Down on my knees-- with empty, void words for I feel I’ve lost my connection with You.
It
seems all of my challenges are far greater than my will, over whelming
bills, sickness and desertion have me wondering if You are even real?
If you are so powerful and You love me best, how can you allow me to suffer and hurt with such unrest? Do you really care for me or is my LIFE for you just amusement? Do you revel in my struggle? Are you concerned about my pain? Or is this all, for You, mere entertainment?
Even if I have not reached the point of suicidal thoughts, I contemplate a new LIFE so frequently, my reality has been lost.
So when the season has lasted so long and cold that I have no expectation of change. When every night I lay down depressed and expect to awaken the same… Then
a beacon of hope or a ray of light appeals to me in the least likely
way, from the words of a friend or a song in worship that seems to
initiate a new day.
A
collision on the interstate that could’ve been me, a child being born
when it seemed unlikely, a phone call from an enemy seeking amends or
just the return of a relative soldier from foreign lands.
Being invited to dinner when the pantry is bare, a hug from a companion you thought no longer cared… All are just ways God makes us aware, we may pass through the dark space but He won’t leave us there.
It is true that the darkest hour comes just before day break and the darkness you’ve endured---a stronger soldier it will make. God’s
allowing you to travel through these tunnels of tearful trials, were
never to break you, only to make you so He remains right by your side.
Yes, at times it’s so dark as you as you try to proceed that you struggle to see Him and follow His lead… You pray the sun shines soon to help you to see, but the sun will not shine until you’ve mastered trusting completely.
And when you do, when you’ve trusted God to the point of no return… When you’ve turned from your grief and self-pity and sought the lessons to learn. When
you’ve determined God knows best even if it means enduring more tests
and that all you endure is still by God’s grace, for we all are
deserving of death.
When you have learned to be grateful in spite of great lack. When you’ve learned to forgive those who have stabbed you in the back. When you’ve lost the drive for revenge and pray for those who hate you… THEN and only THEN…
The SON has your full attention and you know He never stopped shining. Not a minute of your pain was because of His negligence. No, WE only chose to look away and leave behind His radiance. Hallelujah, there all the while He was waiting for our about face… So the glow of His glory would rescue us from the Dark Space.
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