Is there anyone out there who truly wants to know a
woman’s heart? Oh, how deep it goes and how beautiful it is when
discovered!
She waits for someone to come like Prince Charming in the story of
Cinderella who saw the perfect jewel of who she was when everyone else
around her had missed it. The questions of the feminine heart from the
time she is tiny are those which innocently ask, “Am I beautiful? Would
you fight for me?”
Too often the answers she finds are shallow and non-committal. The man
she turns to is caught up in his own story. Unlike the Prince, he
searches for the answers to his own questions in life expecting her to
fit into his idea of who she should be for him. He thinks the source of
his happiness should be this woman he has chosen.
He needs her. She fills the “gap” of emotional belonging that he
craves. Out of his own insecurity and low self-image, he fears he is
not able to hold her in the way he needs to so he bullies her. He is
possessive and monopolizes her time and attention.
Unable to look within himself at his own lack of character because of
his feelings of inadequacy or inferiority, he challenges her in all of
her weak areas. She is vulnerable to criticism and to taking
responsibility for the relationship because it is relationship that she
has been designed to build. She becomes convinced that if she could
only change, he would be happier.
But the hole within him is so large. It is too big for her to fill.
And he is going to the wrong source for his answers. Unknown to either
of them, no matter how she tries, she will never be enough for him.
The consequences are severe. Like rose petals in their prime discarded
and ground by his heel into the dirt, her spirit is crushed.
To the outside world, her husband often appears charming, a hard
worker, dedicated to his family. But his desperation to look that way
is so highly important to him that he carefully prunes the image in
public saving his deep-seated anger for those behind closed doors. His
accusations are unreasonable and unfair always directing attention away
from himself.
In her article “The Silent Killer of Christian Marriages”, Amy Wildman
White says, “For anyone who works with abusive men, the most frustrating
characteristic is their lack of insight. When interacting with this
type of individual, one is often left feeling as if he or she has just
gone in circles. Issues presented are minimized, denied, or turned
around to make someone else responsible, or a host of other topics are
brought in to sidetrack the conversation. The process of change is most
often slow or nonexistent.”
She also says, “Although the behaviors in and of themselves are forms
of abuse, it is the constant climate of destruction that leaves a woman
believing she is trapped, with no confidence or hope that there is a way
out. A woman in an emotionally abusive marriage does not believe she
has any choices. She believes she carries the responsibility for the
bad marriage and that if only she could change, her marriage would
improve. No matter what she does differently, however, the marriage
never gets better.”
Piece by piece, moment by moment she is bombarded with the messages:
“No, you are not beautiful. You can’t get anything right. Your dreams
and desires and needs don’t matter. You are such a disappointment.”
Many times over different variations of these words beat at a woman’s
soul.
She dies inside, the messages confirmed: I am not valuable, I am worthless.
The words to Martina McBride’s song float through my mind:
“She loved him like he was
The last man on earth,
Gave him everything she ever had.
He'd break her spirit down,
Then come lovin' up on her
Give a little then take it back.
She'd tell him about her dreams,
He'd just shoot 'em down.
Lord, he loved to make her cry.
You're crazy for believin'
You'll ever leave the ground,
He said, ‘Only angels know how to fly.”
What hope is there for us, oh women, who are convinced there is no such
thing as a Knight in Shining Armor? Listen to the words of the One who
tells mere man how to love you. Please know that your desire to be
loved in this way is not wrong, it is inherent! This love is what was
intended for you all along.
My paraphrase:
“Give your life to bring out her beauty.
Discover the mystery of who she is, of what she dreams;
watch to see what inspires and impassions her
– and then make it happen.
Don’t let anything get in the way of her becoming all she is supposed to become.
Cherish her, support her, fight for her, challenge her, refine her.
By doing this, men, you are doing yourselves a favor,
for by loving a woman like this,
she will be your most tender, loyal, powerful counterpart for life!
How do I know this is what she needs?
I know because I made her.
I know her in depth as part of My own heart.
This is how I, her Eternal Lover,
actively devote Myself to her!”
Ephesians 5:25-30
Does God know a woman’s heart? If you can get past the age old
thinking in these verses referring to the “rules” of marriage, you will
see the amazing sparkling diamond. God knows EXACTLY how to love a
woman. He is handing her over to man with specific instructions about
HOW to love her while she lives here on earth away from Him.
Woman also has been given a roadmap to a man’s heart:
“Wives, trust your husband as though you are trusting Me.
Let him be your shelter.
He is the guardian of all that I have put within you and
I have entrusted him with My own strength, wisdom and ability
to draw out the deepest beauty within you.
He would die to rescue you without thought for himself
just as I would….and did.
Let him be who I made him to be.
Come beneath his wing.”
Ephesians 5:22-24
My paraphrase
These are the instructions given to us. But in a world sadly far from
its original intent, this is too often not the reality.
Raise your eyes to the Big Picture. We live in enemy territory.
God’s enemy, Satan, takes whatever God pronounced good and seeks with
vengeance to destroy it. Past pain, disappointment, neglect and
selfishness devastate a man’s heart as much as a woman’s. The result is a
paralyzed inability to love as God planned it to be.
So where do we turn when the man in our lives physically or emotionally
discards us? Here is the rest of the song “Broken Wing” by Martina
McBride:
“And with a broken wing,
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky.
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams.
Man, you ought to see her fly!”
No matter what the circumstances in our lives, there are some “unchangeables” that we must cling to:
1. God is the One Who instructs a man how to love us because HE loves
us like that! When we face a break in this human love, God is still
there knowing how to love us and offering Himself as our Knight in
Shining Armor. He has always been in love with us and falling in love
with Him is easy once we know that.
2. God has built a dream into the very depth of our hearts. Just
because we lose our way or find ourselves trampled down, that dream
doesn’t change or go away. It’s always there and always will be. We
need to fly even with a broken wing! We are gifted and talented and
strong in many ways. Finding and pursuing OUR PURPOSE can absorb hurt
like a sponge!
So many women walk around like the living dead. Their hearts are
crushed and they are convinced of their own worthlessness. This is a
waste of something so precious!
There are many that I have worked with over the past few years.
Because of my own experiences with the Prince of the Universe, I have
been able to discern their own uniqueness and value; it takes time but
establishing these things is like watering a desert place! At first it
sinks in and seems to have no effect because the ground is so dry. But
as the lies are discarded and the truth of their strengths and amazing
unique qualities begin to emerge, it is as if lush green plants and
beautiful flowers begin to take over the wastelands.
A new light floods their whole beings and a new reason to live
begins to motivate them. They hold the hand of their true Husband and
they walk a new walk with a new confidence. Truly, they begin to fly!
Yes, sometimes it means taking strong action like leaving their
husbands. Unfortunately, at times, this is the only way to catch the
man’s attention. When faced with such measures, he will often begin to
seek the help he needs and they begin to heal the broken places in their
relationship.
And sometimes he will not have anything to do with restoration. Even
so, it is not the end of life. It is a new season in which a woman can
begin to truly experience her own freedom and individual healing. She
learns to soar despite her wounds and finds her real identity in the
eyes of the One with Whom she will spend all of eternity.
Never give up hope! Reach out for help and discernment no matter how
badly you feel you are to blame for the problems in your relationship.
Let God into your deepest heart. Allow Him to begin to love you as you
need to be loved. He will give you wings and teach you how to fly!
Source:
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=32707
